An Atheist's Confession
My disbelief in God began in a Catholic high school biology class. Before that class, I had a vague sense that there was a God in heaven Who made the world and the planets and all life. At least that is what I learned from my nominal church attendance and what my parents taught my siblings and I. So one day I am sitting in my biology class, and my teacher begins to teach us Darwin's theory of evolution. Now if I was vague about the existence of a Creator God before, I was definitely confused now. And this teacher, who was very likeable and knowledgeable, even he admitted that he believed in some sort of quasi-theistic combination of God creating plus evolution, leaving me with more doubts than ever! I didn't know what to believe about God or anything after that.
I remember going home to my parents and sharing my perplexity with them. I don't really remember how they responded, but I just recall that their rebuttal did not have much of an impact. That was not their fault, probably more a combination of my impatience and teenage angst [what do parents really know anyway?]. The seeds of doubt had been sown, and the fruits of distrust of authority and even rebellion were beginning to manifest.
Now that I had no rational basis for a belief in God, I began to lose a sense of awe for the 'holy.' This came at a time when I was searching for something, trying to fit in and 'find myself.' And at that age, temptation was calling my name all the time. Tried a lot of different things. But I won't bore you with all the details. Did I find freedom and satisfaction from any of those things? Absolutely not! And I found myself on the brink of despair and depression, looking for a way out of the hopelessness. I thought to myself, "Is this it? Is this all there is to life, partying and getting high and getting stuff? What does it all mean? Where does it all end?" In the midst of it all, I actually prayed a prayer that went something like this: "God, if you are there, please help me!" And you know the funny thing about it? This peace came over me, like God was saying "I've been here all along, why didn't you come to Me sooner?"
I know that you may be reading this and thinking to yourself, "What a dope." But I'm telling you that this was all real! I know it was, because after that, by a series of separate but interrelated events, I came to a working belief in God and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I'm a different person than what I was before that. People - friends and associates, even family - who knew me before told me that I had changed. Some even admitted that they did not recognize the new me. I had peace. I had joy, and I didn't even have to hang out and drink and smoke to have a good time. I had a brand new love in my life, because I realized for the first time in my life, that yes, there is a God in heaven Who made the heavens, the earth, the universe and everything in it. And He made me, and He loves me, and He sent his one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross to save me from my sins and give me eternal life. That revelation saved my life and revolutionized my world. So from one former atheist to other atheists out there: don't take my word or anyone else's words about a Creator God. Just try Him for yourself. He wants you to prove Him. He wants you to challenge Him to show you how real He is. And don't even buy into the distorted views of God that, sadly, many professed Christians hold in ignorance. He is not a hateful, vengeful God Who wants to eternally punish sins in a forever burning hell, as most so-called theologians and preachers have falsely presented Him. If that is Who God is, I don't blame you at all for not believing in Him or even hating Him. But instead you will find Him to be in truth a merciful, longsuffering and gracious Sovereign Who loves all of us so much that He gave everything to save us, yet won't take away our freedom to choose to not believe in Him or hate Him. My sincere prayer is that if just one atheist reads this and tries Jesus, praise God. I love you and would not mislead nor deceive you. Let everyone be persuaded in his or her own mind.
I remember going home to my parents and sharing my perplexity with them. I don't really remember how they responded, but I just recall that their rebuttal did not have much of an impact. That was not their fault, probably more a combination of my impatience and teenage angst [what do parents really know anyway?]. The seeds of doubt had been sown, and the fruits of distrust of authority and even rebellion were beginning to manifest.
Now that I had no rational basis for a belief in God, I began to lose a sense of awe for the 'holy.' This came at a time when I was searching for something, trying to fit in and 'find myself.' And at that age, temptation was calling my name all the time. Tried a lot of different things. But I won't bore you with all the details. Did I find freedom and satisfaction from any of those things? Absolutely not! And I found myself on the brink of despair and depression, looking for a way out of the hopelessness. I thought to myself, "Is this it? Is this all there is to life, partying and getting high and getting stuff? What does it all mean? Where does it all end?" In the midst of it all, I actually prayed a prayer that went something like this: "God, if you are there, please help me!" And you know the funny thing about it? This peace came over me, like God was saying "I've been here all along, why didn't you come to Me sooner?"
I know that you may be reading this and thinking to yourself, "What a dope." But I'm telling you that this was all real! I know it was, because after that, by a series of separate but interrelated events, I came to a working belief in God and accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I'm a different person than what I was before that. People - friends and associates, even family - who knew me before told me that I had changed. Some even admitted that they did not recognize the new me. I had peace. I had joy, and I didn't even have to hang out and drink and smoke to have a good time. I had a brand new love in my life, because I realized for the first time in my life, that yes, there is a God in heaven Who made the heavens, the earth, the universe and everything in it. And He made me, and He loves me, and He sent his one and only Son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross to save me from my sins and give me eternal life. That revelation saved my life and revolutionized my world. So from one former atheist to other atheists out there: don't take my word or anyone else's words about a Creator God. Just try Him for yourself. He wants you to prove Him. He wants you to challenge Him to show you how real He is. And don't even buy into the distorted views of God that, sadly, many professed Christians hold in ignorance. He is not a hateful, vengeful God Who wants to eternally punish sins in a forever burning hell, as most so-called theologians and preachers have falsely presented Him. If that is Who God is, I don't blame you at all for not believing in Him or even hating Him. But instead you will find Him to be in truth a merciful, longsuffering and gracious Sovereign Who loves all of us so much that He gave everything to save us, yet won't take away our freedom to choose to not believe in Him or hate Him. My sincere prayer is that if just one atheist reads this and tries Jesus, praise God. I love you and would not mislead nor deceive you. Let everyone be persuaded in his or her own mind.
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